A narcissist can fall into different categories. There is called “covert narcissist”, they are hypersensitive. They also do a lot of image management to create a certain image about themselves, making themselves look more generous, caring, and loving.
This type of narcissist is very much aware that they can get hurt and also knows they have some childhood trauma following them around. With trust, it doesn’t happen easily, because these narcissists hide behind self-protective “boundaries”, which are just a complex of defenses. Initially, someone would have to jump through hoops to gain their trust.
When a narcissist falls into this category, you can believe they are smart individuals, looking for an intellectual understanding of why they feel the world has harmed them so much. They also dive deep into psychology and spirituality as a beacon of accountability for all the relationships and life dramas that follow them.
Many covert narcissists will claim to be empaths to explain their internal experience of sensitivity and astute, perceptive awareness. They also claim to have a sense of spirituality, psychic, and interpersonal superiority over others. And so because these people are so delusional and convinced they are empaths, others around them will think the same.
Covert narcissists will make it in many professions and roles, and so perfect a positive persona which they can use as a well-constructed shield to prevent their victims from ever holding them fully accountable. So with that said, how would you know if someone is an Empath or a covert narcissist? We’ve constructed a list of three methods that you can use to determine if someone is an empath or covert narcissist.
1. Set and Reset Boundaries
The first thing you would want to do to find out if someone is truly an empath is to set boundaries and see how they react. Start by publicly showing them dissidence and say “no” to them. You can disagree with them and let others around you know you are doing this to see what happens. With an Empath, you’ll see some embarrassment and defensiveness coming from them, but they would consider if what they did or said was wrong. Seeing as how your perspective and reasons for acting this way might be valid.
What an Empath would do is use their energy to understand rather than try to change their mind to protect their image. So, if they react in a way that forces you to agree with them, try to embarrass or intimidate you, or even try to make you apologize for the disagreement, they are certainly not an Empath. Let’s move back to setting up boundaries.
When you get into a relationship with an Empath, you’ll notice in which is why they want to get to know you and at what pace. Covert narcissists, they’ll often push you quickly into emotional and sexual intimacy. Although you told them you want to take it slow. If you say “yes” to certain things which you normally said “no” to, you have to know it’s their expert way of using manipulation against you. When you struggle to keep hold of your boundaries despite them showing you they care for you, you have without a doubt got a narcissist on your hands.
One of the biggest differences between an Empath and a narcissist is the fact that a narcissist will always look for instant gratification. They will organize their lives in such a way that they constantly get that gratification they crave. And they don’t have issues using people to get that as well.
Saying “no” and setting up boundaries goes against everything they stand for, so they will do anything and everything for you to drop that “no”. When they don’t get that gratification, they will get frustrated and angry immediately. An Empath will act completely differently. They will accept the fact that gratification will not happen now unless your needs are honored. They won’t get frustrated or angry.
2. Watch What They Do When You Get Angry and Frustrated
An Empath will immediately show interest in what happened to you to get angry and frustrated. They will make themselves available to help, or at least express to you their concerns and willingness to help if need be. This will give you a sense of peace in their response, showing you their concern for your well-being.
Now, even if a covert narcissist goes and mimics this behavior perfectly, there will still be a feeling of not caring or being present with how you are feeling. You’ll be able to tell that their help or reassurance doesn’t do much for you and it might cause you to feel even worse. This will have you feeling like you need them more because they just don’t seem interested or present in what is happening in your life.
A covert narcissist can never mimic an Empath completely, because of the characteristics a narcissist has, they will become impatient or your frustration and anger can trigger them. A narcissist loves making the other person feel guilty, making you feel you are inconveniencing them, almost like you’re “too sensitive” and with that still makes you feel you need them in your life to feel better.
When it comes down to it, trust your gut. You can always tell if someone is truly sympathetic and showing empathy or if they’re just putting up a front.
3. Ask Pointed Questions About Their Spiritual Purpose or General Purpose in Life
Some empaths truly understand their purpose in life, which is to help people heal, be happier, and healthier. They may know how to do that and use that skill to their full advantage. They also won’t be shy in stating this. Covert narcissists may also believe that they are here on earth for a special purpose and thus get into a helping profession. The only difference is that when a covert narcissist helps someone, it’s because of the gratification they receive and not because they feel it’s their mission in life.
When asking an Empath about the path they helped people in need, they will usually give you in-depth reasons and information about why they chose this path. It also goes to say that most of them will include some healing they went through themselves, which led them to this way of life. They will also be realistic about what they can and cannot do to help.
The difference comes in with a covert narcissist. They will paint a very extravagant picture of their past successes in helping people. With that extravagant picture comes a deep and harsh, painful history, which, with no surprise, is also exaggerated. It may seem they have this amazing ability and skill to change people’s lives, but in fact, they’re just saying these things to enhance their ego.
Conclusion
Let’s recap. Narcissists and empaths both have high emotional intelligence. Covert narcissists are highly intellectual, together with cognitive empathy to recognize how people think and feel about them. With empaths, you get highly emotional and affective empathy, which means they respond to how people feel and think about them emotionally.
They both have potent abilities to understand where a person’s vulnerabilities and insecurities lie. What differs is that empaths use what they learn and use it to help people, while narcissists use it for their gains. Empaths will always be there for you and help find solutions to your problems. Narcissists will manipulate you as well as emotional abuse you to get their way in life.
