If you’ve dated a narcissist before, then you’d know about ending a relationship with them. But if you haven’t, you’ve come to the right place. We’ll be walking you through everything that happens when you decide to take that brave step. When you end a relationship with a narcissist, they might show signs of combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling.
People who struggle with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) cannot understand or consider other people’s needs. They are way too focused on their egos and don’t consider how their actions affect others. They will do what they can to restore power to themselves. Let’s look at five things that a narcissist can do when you end the relationship.
1. They Will Blame You
Narcissists love to blame others. It’s one of their signature traits. At the beginning of the relationship, they couldn’t stop telling you how wonderful you are and how perfect it is that they have you as a partner.
The thing is, as soon as that relationship becomes toxic and broken, it’s all your fault. They will always have something to say that makes you feel belittled, like “you’re too fat” or “too needy”. Others might include, “you’ve ruined the best thing you’ve ever had”, “you’ve destroyed the trust between us”, or “you’re unappreciated of the things I did for you”.
Overnight, you’ve become the most despised person in their lives. That will be shocking and hurtful for anyone to hear, which is completely unfair to you. Cutting you off and never speaking to you again is not uncommon, as they won’t even give you a second to speak.
That’s until you want to apologize and try to reconnect things, then they get what they want. But that won’t last because of the brokenness between you, too. It’s better to not give in and realize that you’re none of those things and your life is about to become better.
2. Try To Make You Jealous
Don’t be shocked when you see them almost immediately post pictures and messages on social media with someone else. This is just their tactic of “get even” with you for ending the relationship. They want to create the illusion they never really cared for you and moved on with their life, portraying a happy persona.
They want you to question your motives and second guess the action you took. The problem here comes in that if you are a jealous person, it can be effective. It can trigger feelings like insecurity and uncertainty towards the person and the choice you made. This can then make you feel you need to compete, still being a part of their life, just like they want to. Don’t give in to your need to want to compete, it’s a tactic they use. You’re better off moving on with your life.
3. Attempt To Guilt Trip You
We all know what powerful tool guilt can be. It is also one favorite in a narcissist’s arsenal to pull you back into the relationship. When you do to the stage of ending the relationship, the narcissist will bring up stories to take you back. They will tell you everything they’ve done for you, how much they care for you, and all the wonderful times you’ve spent together. Fill your head with positivity so that you can rub the negatives out. If that doesn’t work, though, they’ll try something else.
They will turn all the emotional reactions they’ve portrayed in the past and turn it towards you. Telling you are being selfish, unkind, greedy, cruel, and passive-aggressive, to name a few. All of this can be exceptionally painful, especially if you’re none of those things. But with the power of manipulation at their side, they will have you feeling heartbroken with just the mere thought of you can be anything like that. If you are strong and don’t fall for these tricks, you’ll realize they never cared for you or even knew you.
However, the feelings you can get from these accusations increase your sense of guilt. Creating this urgency to want to prove to the narcissist that you’re nothing like what they just mentioned. This will reengage you into the relationship, putting the power back in their hands, doing everything they can to keep you powerless and feeling guilty.
4. Demanding Attention Even After The Break-Up
The best step for you to take is to cut off all contact with the narcissist. Just be aware that they can be extremely persistent in trying to get your attention. There are a couple of ways they might try to get you to notice them again like, drunk calling you in the middle of the night or sending you hundreds of texts and emails pleading with you to explain why you did what you did and why things turned out so negative.
This is just a way for them to work on your emotions. If you were married or lived together, don’t be scared when they “accidentally” get into your house to grab their belongings without giving you notice.
It gets a little trickier when you have children together because the pleas for attention can go on for a very long time. Strike up some ground rules yourself or, if it gets to that point, through the court, have them act in a civilized manner for the sake of the children. Something else to watch out for is when the way they’ve changed.
Don’t fall for that, unless they went to see a professional for help, they won’t change because they don’t believe there’s something wrong with them.
5. Stalking
They might not go about this in the traditional sense of sitting outside your house and watching you through the window. Narcissists are intellectual, so they will go about this more subtly, like being at the grocery store when you’re there or suddenly appearing at the same social event you’re at. Sometimes they do things differently, like changing their running route to go past your house if they live nearby.
These unexpected meetings might occur, so don’t be fearful when it happens. They are not known as the violent types; they do it to keep you aware of their presence in your life and to tough you off emotionally.
Final Thoughts
It’s completely reasonable to feel scared about ending your relationship with a narcissist. But healing from the endless emotional abuse, although a complicated process, can be the most freeing feeling you’ll ever have.
Put your needs and priorities first, because everyone, including you, deserves to feel loved in a mature relationship. If you are dating or married to someone who doesn’t give you that included NPD, then it might just be time to take a step back and look at your relationship.
